I'm Fine and Neither Are You by Camille Pagan

(Spoilers Ahead)

I think I originally picked up the book I'm Fine and Neither Are You as a Kindle First book (that free book selection Amazon Prime members get every month).  The cover caught my eye and the premise seemed like it would be an interesting and maybe even "fun" read.  Boy was "fun" not the word to describe this one.

The book opens with Penny, who is married to Sanjay and  they have two kids. Penny works at a demanding job and has a husband who dropped out of medical school to pursue his passion for writing and three years later he is barely bringing in any money and Penny is having daily dreams of running away from her family.  Right from the get-go you get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen.  I almost think Penny's husband or kids will die.  (Of course I have forgotten that the book summary already alludes to the fact that Sanjay is alive at least for most of this novel.)

Penny's best friend is Jenny. Jenny is a wife, mom, and blogger who posts recipes, home tips, etc.  She is successful and has quite a following.  Jenny is married to Matt, who appears to be a perfect husband (or is described as one - you don't meet him as a character for awhile).  He's handsome, has some job that requires him to travel a lot, but Jenny portrays their relationship as perfect to Penny and to her internet followers.

About fifty or so pages in, Penny arrives at Jenny's house after she can't reach her to pick up her daughter from summer camp and Penny and Matt find Jenny dead in her home office.  (WHAT?! I DIDN'T SIGN ON FOR A BEST FRIEND TO DIE!!)  So that was pretty tragic.  Jenny has a 6 year old daughter (Cecily) who now will have to grow up without a mom.  This is something Penny can relate to because her mom just abandoned her and her brother when they were very young. Penny knows the whole a missing mother can leave in the life of a daughter.  When she tries to point this out to Matt a few times after Jenny's death, he is sort of an ass about it because Penny's mom didn't DIE, she just left.  Which I can understand, but for a kid I almost think the mom that just leaves is more difficult to understand and recover from.

After Jenny's death it comes out that she had been struggling with an addiction to pain killers. She suffered from endometriosis, and one prescription led to another, then to another.  Ultimately, they ruled her death a result of an "accidental overdose."  (When you read the author's afterward she discusses the opioid crisis and how she has seen people close to her that suffered from opioid addiction.  The medical profession really does need to be held accountable here!)  We also learn that her marriage wasn't quite as happy as she said it was. 

Side note: Was I the only one who thought for awhile that Matt may have killed her?!?!  He was being so sketchy with Penny telling her "don't tell anyone about her struggles with pain pills, etc." I really thought for a minute this was going to be a MUCH different book!

So, parallel to this story line we have Penny and Sanjay, whose marriage has been pretty stale for awhile.  Penny is resentful of Sanjay.  They don't really talk, they don't have sex.  Jenny's death is an eye opener for them both.  They decide to work on their marriage. They each come up with a list of 3 things they want the other to work on.  Penny wants Sanjay to find a more consistently paying job, wants him to help more with the house and the kids without being asked, and wants him to be more "present" when they are together (not on his phone, not daydreaming, etc).  Sanjay only starts with one request - he wants to have sex more often.

As the story progresses, there are times when you think the marriage may not work. That this strategy is only tearing them further apart.  At the end of the day, both Penny and Sanjay were contributing to the problems in their marriage and they had to both contribute to change.  Penny had to be more affectionate with Sanjay. She had to learn to be honest with other people, besides him.  She had a tendency to let people cross boundaries or disregard her (which a lot of women do!).  She also had a huge fear of abandonment from her mother.  At the end of the book, Sanjay finally reveals his third ask - and it is simply "stop worrying that I am going to leave you."

All in all, the book wraps up with a happy ending (minus that whole Jenny being dead part).  Penny and Sanjay are happy (he got a job, she is thinking of starting to write again), Matt and Cecily are doing better and Matt finally agreed to post on Jenny's blog that she died of an accidental overdose of painkillers instead of trying to hide this from the world.  However, this book does address things that may make you look inward more than you are ready to do at any given moment.  Are you complacent in your relationship?  Are you not standing up for yourself? Are you letting residual things like a fear of abandonment (or some other fear) still affect your relationships today?

It's not nearly as "fun" as I thought it was going to be when I picked it up, but it was still a good read. I would read something from this author again.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐